he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
