forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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