She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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