So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize