You just made me feel so damn special
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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