wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
