She's JV to your varsity
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
