My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
