She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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