I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
