I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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