Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
