sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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