...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize