Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you traded sex for a burrito?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
