I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
