reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
