When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
