Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
