turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
