Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
