Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
