omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
