Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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