What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
