hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
