Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
