I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
