i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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