Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
