I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
