god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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