i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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