The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
