Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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