if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
