thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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