tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
