I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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