We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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