I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Houston, we have a blender
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
