So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
