Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
