I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Your dad touched me again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize