when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You left your phone here
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