it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
soo... how was my night?
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