I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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