We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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