how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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