My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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