matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
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