you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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