She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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