she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
