I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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