I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
