Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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