she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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