Cold hands, warm shart.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
