I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
