You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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