WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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