We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
