Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
