Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize