I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My bed smells like the plague
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
