Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize