So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
