Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
