I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
