yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
