God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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