he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
