I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
