i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
