Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
