I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
