Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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