How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
