I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
God I need to hump something, right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
