UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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