Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
