I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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