of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
