Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
