I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
