is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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