Porn is love you can see.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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