you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
