I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
