We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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