whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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