I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
