I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
