12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
