apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
