i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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