i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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