at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
