I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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