Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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