I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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