I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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