i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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