Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
