I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize