It's Friday. Sex?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
