i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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