I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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